My dearest Suzy,
I did want to write you a “wee” letter for your B-day, but the one I’m about to write is not exactly what I had planned…
There are two roads in life: the narrow road that’s hard and steep but leads to life; or the wide road that’s “easy” but leads to death, as simple as that – Life or death, fulfillment or destruction, true happiness or false happiness, the truth or the lie, freedom or slavery, God or Satan…
Fulton Sheen once wrote that the “most hellish moments in a woman’s life are when she refuses to give.” Your time here can be like hell if you are not generous; if you refuse to die to yourself, if you refuse to give up what God is asking of you in this moment. I want you to be happy more than you want you to be happy. I ask God to fill the great void that you have inside, a void that you try to fill with pleasure and you see that it doesn’t work. I ask God to purify you, to show you the love that He has for you, to forgive you so that you will be able to forgive yourself and therefore not hate yourself anymore.
The last thing that you need to do right now is build a wall of self-confidence because that’s the wall that needs to be broken down in order for you to truly know God and know yourself. This was one of the hardest things for me personally to do: to let God take off all my masks and show me who I really was; it was hard but thanks to that grace, I am who I am today.
Suz, I’ve said this to you many times: “It’s all or nothin’ kiddo.” Of course you can’t do this by yourself, ask Him for help, and don’t say that you can’t pray, believe or whatever, when in reality the fact of the matter is you’re too afraid or too lazy. You know you need Truth, you need God. After everything you’ve done you always come back and talk to me. Even after this summer when you really hit rock bottom, in the midst of all that – you called me. What attracts you is not me but who I represent (even though I do it badly!) Don’t give up Donovan, don’t give up!! Fight! Don’t be a loser!! Like the T-shirt you used to have said: “Be holy – or die tryin’.” Ask God to give you the true desire to change, ask Him to help you to obey (!). St. Augustine said, “God who created you without you, CANNOT SAVE YOU WITHOUT YOU”… and on that note: “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU… la la la…”
Hna. Clare +
⇒ “I’ve got memories, always inside of me, but I can’t go back, back to how it was – this is HOME…”