Michelle Sampilo: It took me only 2 days to finish all 426 pages (25 chapters). How fast is that? If I were not working, I would probably have finished the book in a day.
I just finished reading the book about Sr. Clare Crockett, Alone with Christ Alone, by Sr. Kristen Gardner, SHM. It took me only 2 days to finish all 426 pages (25 chapters). How fast is that? If I were not working, I would probably have finished the book in a day.
Little Clare is so hilarious. She is really funny and a typical “natural” kid with an extra-special ability to get along with everyone. I remember myself being the kid who always acted as the boss when we were playing…
Sr. Clare’s early teenage years are colorful. What I mean is that she isn’t boring at all. I am amazed by Clare that she already knew what she wanted at such an early age. She is very persistent and determined. I didn’t know my dream when I was like 14 or 15 of age, but I did know since then that I am creative when it comes to arts and computer works. I thought of Clare as someone who is truly smart in things she is fond of doing and learning, and dull at things that doesn’t interest her at all. That’s her, really sure of what she wants, and never bothers at things that wouldn’t help her.
God’s plan for Sr. Clare as well to experience what she did at her 17 years of age without the presence of God in her mind. But all we know from the time she was born, God was already plotting her life and was in her heart.
I would say if Sr. Clare hadn’t lived the life she had prior to entering the Home of the Mother, I wouldn’t be drawn to and inspired by her love of God. I am sinner and do things that are not pleasing to our God. I always thought that I don’t deserve God because I am not authentic in my love for Him. There are times that I can’t even say a little prayer because I am ashamed of myself. I don’t deserve God, I know that. But getting to know Sr. Clare, everything changes and leads me to God. What God has done with Sr. Clare is truly heavenly, amazing. It makes us all realize that the Love of God is for everyone. There is no exemption. We just have to open our heart to Him.
At first, just watching the film and the testimonies of Sr. Clare made me desire HEAVEN. I want to go to Heaven, and I am not afraid to die because Heaven is waiting for me. But the book gave me a new definition of this desire. I realized that something was not right.
I don’t deserve Heaven (yet). I desire the Kingdom of Heaven, but I am not yet ready. How? How will I be ready when I haven’t done even a single thing of what all the saints have done for God? In the book, I felt Sr. Clare’s pain every time she thought of her being unworthy of the Love of God, that deep inside of her she’s not pleasing God. If Sr. Clare is doing everything for God, why does she think she still doesn’t deserve God? God! I don’t deserve you yet. I know, and I am sure of this. I need to do more corporal acts of mercy for me to deserve Heaven and You, my God. I haven’t gone to confession for many years. Shame on me to desire Heaven when I am not obeying your command. Forgive me, Lord.
One thing I thought of is not to desire what may be comfortable for us, things that may lead the world to eat our own earthly desires. What do I mean? When thinking about two decisions, always choose what will bring you closer to God and what makes you thirst for the Love of God. If that decision may lead to suffering, choose it. God is with us. We need to live with Him, walk with Him through happiness and despair. He will not leave us empty-handed. He will fill our empty heart. Let God fill your heart and remove all those things that cause you so much pain. (Right now, I am discerning a decision in my life–leaving the country for work—and God helped me make me the right decision.)
I will keep reading the book repeatedly. I know there are still things to learn that I haven’t realized yet, like in the film. I already watched the film 6 or 7 times (on the seventh, I didn’t finish it because I was so excited to read the book). The film teaches me new things, one after the other.
I would suggest to first watch the film, read the testimonies in the Sr. Clare and Companions and make sure you know her more than ever: her family and other Home of the Mother Sisters and Fr. Rafael. Surely, the book will give you another meaning of her life that will help you in your life for sure.
Silence, I need more silence with God. Speak to me God. I want to be with you forever. I desire Heaven, help me to go straight to Heaven. I will listen. I will obey.
November 12, 2020