I often need to kneel before the Father. The truth is that I only find peace when I lean for support on Him, when I go before Him with all my miseries and I let God be God, who loves me and forgives me unconditionally.
The countdown to my perpetual vows begins… I cannot believe it is time. I am aware of what I am going to do, and I only ask the Lord for the grace to be faithful. A prayer from St. Augustine helps me. It says, “Miserable man that I am, when will my pusillanimity and imperfection be conformed to your righteousness? You indeed are good, and I evil; You are merciful, and I unmerciful; You are holy, and I miserable; You are just, and I unjust; You are light, and I blindness; You are medicine; and I sickness; You are supreme truth; and I utter vanity.”
It is strange that prayer is hard for me at times because of spiritual dryness or what the Lord permits, yet I love to be in his presence and I do not want to leave. It is hard for me to go to prayer and it is hard for me to leave. Strange, right?
Lately, I am meditating on the parable about the prodigal son and it is helping me a lot. It does me a lot of good to look at Rembrandt’s painting because I feel totally identified with the son that was lost, broken and empty, not only in my past life, but even sometimes now.
I often need to kneel before the Father. The truth is that I only find peace when I lean for support on Him, when I go before Him with all my miseries and I let God be God, who loves me and forgives me unconditionally. I do not always understand His love and His mercy because mine is so weak and stained. Sometimes it seems as if I want to demonstrate to God that my darkness is too great to be overcome. But I experience that God asks me to trust in Him and when I do that, then I have peace and freedom.